Too Much Parent Pressure

This weekend I read an article about a young lady who was a high achiever at her boarding school in California.  After graduating high school she enrolled at Columbia University and she became overwhelmed with the expectations of others thrust upon her, so after a couple semesters at school, she decided to quit and start all over again.  The young lady stated that she was no longer inspired, therefore she took matters into her own hands and decided to live the life she wanted.

I'm sure you've heard of the phrase "Peer Pressure", where people your age pressure you to do things that you normally wouldn't do; it's not always dangerous, but it's almost never a good idea.  Pressure to do things that we normally wouldn't do doesn't always come from our peers, for students who are considered high achievers, their pressure comes from their parents.  Additionally, there are some students who fall into the average category, but their parents seem to think that the student can do more, therefore they push those students to the limit, not realizing the negative effect it's having on the student.

I often deal with parents who put extreme pressure on their high school students, not really focused on what the student wants or what the student thinks they can do, instead, it's almost like the parent is trying live through the student.  As I interact with these types of parents my focus instantly goes to the student who is visibly and sometimes audibly upset that their parents are making them do extra work on top of the work they already have to do at the high school.  On the one hand, I understand that the parents want their child to be successful, I applaud the efforts that these parents are making by being involved in the child's academics.  On the other hand, parents have to listen to that child, especially if the student is saying that they can't live up to your expectations. 

There is a balance that needs to be paid close attention to. If you push a student too hard while they are still in high school, once they graduate they may fall off the grid and live a life that is carefree.  However, if you don't push a student enough, they may feel like being mediocre is OK, when really mediocrity can only get them so far in life.  It all goes back to paying attention to the student.  If a student has performed as an average student, doing just enough to get by, push them a little, but don't make them feel overwhelmed.  Also, if you've allowed the student to perform at the average level in the beginning, don't expect much change from them in the end, unless the student is ready for change.

Parents, if you're going to push a student to perform at the highest level, make sure you start them early (i.e. elementary school); waiting until they reach high school to push them is setting yourself up for some resistance.  Be sure to pay attention to what they're good at; if the student can excel in one area, push that area and introduce areas that need improvement along the way.

The key thing to remember here is that too much pressure from parents can cause students to explode once they break free from your grip.